Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
