There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
