Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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