This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize