Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
