theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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