i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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