I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
