the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize