some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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