Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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