and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This house was built for laser tag.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
