Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
