This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
