Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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