did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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