I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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