i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
