what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize