shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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