Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
