She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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