is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
