The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
