so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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