this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
