Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
