I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
