ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
