I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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