If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I met the friendliest cop last night
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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