If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wear drunk well.
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