I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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