watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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