I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize