11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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