I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
