Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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