i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize