today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
