yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
