woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
