I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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