My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
