WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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