Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
