I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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