party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
