yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
