I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
