I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
