You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
