I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
