Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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