Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Still dying that you shit outside
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
