Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize