i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
