apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
