Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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