My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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