And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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